Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Needs are Behind Every Action

"All behavior is an attempt to meet a need."
"Children [and all people] are always doing their best to meet their needs."
"You are responsible to meet your own needs."
"Feelings are messengers of met and unmet needs."
"Children [and all people] want to be heard and understood."
~ Sura Hart and Victoria Kindle Hodson (Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids)

If we understand that all human action is an attempt to realize a preferred outcome to satisfy some need (felt uneasiness), then we will no longer see people as our enemies, but as people pursuing strategies that do not meet our needs.

  If we understand that we are responsible for our own needs, we no longer resent people for not meeting our needs, we no longer give in to the needs of others, but we pursue our own strategies for meeting our needs; and often in meeting our needs in authentic ways, we will out of joy/celebration/love be meeting the needs of others.

  If we recognize our feelings, as the messengers of our subconscious, telling us when we have ignored our needs, or are meeting our needs, we will welcome all of those feelings; we will live authentic lives, in touch with what is alive in us (the "true-self").

  If we understand that all people want to be heard and understood, we will recognize that there is sufficient space, for all people to pursue their own needs in non-conflicting ways with the needs of others; there will no longer be a need to resort to violence, force, coercion, domination, theft or oppression.

People hurt others (initiate aggression), out of their own pain; their pain, is transferred to others as expressions of their own pain.  When we connect with what is alive in us, we are empathizing with ourselves; when we accept what we are feeling and recognize the needs that are being met or are left unmet, we are in connection with ourselves and we no longer have need of shame, blame or guilt.  Some people, due to their experience of pain and lack of any empathy for themselves or others, chose strategies that conflict (initiate-aggression) with (against) others as tragic expressions of their own unmet needs.

If we seek peace with others that are not in touch with their authentic-selves, we must learn techniques to empathize with others; when those in pain experience empathy from others, their inner-turmoil that causes their tragic expressions of unmet needs to manifest as conflict or the initiation of aggression, will for a time be calmed; if they can learn to empathize with themselves, we open the possibility for everyone to meet their own needs.

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